[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
my vagina, I tell her as I start unbuttoning my jeans.
Liz throws her hands up in the air and bumps into a shelf against the wall, vibrators and lube
falling to the ground. Back away, Jenny. Just back away and no one will get hurt.
I get my pants unzipped and push them down to the middle of my thighs.
Good thing I wore my good underwear today.
Just one look, that s all I m asking. Just look at my vagina and tell me if it still looks okay or
if it s a hot mess, I plead.
Oh my God, my eyes, MY EYES! Liz yells, covering her face with her hands.
Liz, LOOK AT MY VAGINA! I shout as I hobble closer to her and my jeans slide down to
my knees. I AM NOT LEAVING HERE UNTIL YOU LOOK AT MY VAGINA!
I hear a gasp and turn around to see Jim standing in the doorway staring at us. I put my hands on
my hips and glare at him. Move along, Jim. There s nothing to see here.
He shakes his head back and forth, his eyes never blinking as he looks from me to Liz and then
back again.
I ve dreamed of this moment, he whispers. I ve prayed, I ve wished on stars, I ve wished
on pennies in wishing wells& my prayers have been answered. God is good.
Liz huffs and walks around behind me, grabbing onto my jeans and yanking them back up over
my ass.
Nooooooo, Jim whimpers. They re supposed to go the other way.
Oh for fuck s sake, close your mouth. Turn around, walk out of this room right now, and never
speak of this again, Liz warns him as I button and zip my jeans.
My dreams& shattering right before my eyes, Jim says with a sad sigh as he turns and leaves.
Liz comes around in front of me and grabs my shoulders. You are fine, your vagina is fine,
and you are going to forget all about this shit and come with me and Claire to the Blossom Music
Festival this weekend.
I start to shake my head No and she puts her hand over my mouth when I open it to protest.
You are coming with us. End of story. We ll have a girl s night, drink a lot of beer, listen to '80s
cover bands and find your spark. I m sure it will be at the bottom of the third cup of beer. And if you
ever ask me to look at your vagina again, I will punch you in the uterus.
~
Pretty please? Say it again. Just one more time! Claire tells the woman we just met standing
in line for beer.
The woman laughs and says, Put another shrimp on the Barbie!
Liz, Claire, and I laugh hysterically and jump up and down with excitement. I m not really sure
if it s the beer that makes this funny or if it really is funny. The woman in front of us is from Australia
and we ve spent our fifteen minutes in line getting her to say Australian things.
Okay, okay, I ve got one. Say, Fosters. Australian for beer, Claire says with a snort.
The woman laughs and does as she s asked without complaint.
Oh my God I love you! You are our new best friend! Claire tells her.
Oooh, my turn! I say excitedly as I finally think of something for her to say. Say, Sucky,
sucky, five dolla. Me love you long time!
Everyone just looks at me funny. What?
That s not Australian, dumbass. I don t even know what the fuck that is! Liz says with a
laugh.
We order our beers and make our way over to the smoking section just outside of the fence to
go back into the concert. We ve spent the majority of the concert out here drinking instead of trying to
navigate through the crowd to get to our seats inside. Since the music is so loud, we can hear it just
fine out here anyway.
HEY! I yell to a group of guys walking by our picnic table. LOOK AT MY VAGINA!
Claire smacks my hand down from making a V with two of my fingers. What the hell are you
doing?!
I scope out the crowd for more people who look willing and able.
VAGINA! I shout to a couple walking hand-in-hand to the table next to us. They immediately
turn and head in another direction.
Oh sweet Jesus, she s lost her mind, I hear Liz tell Claire. She thinks something is wrong
with her vagina. She tried to get me to look at it the other day.
There s a guy all by himself two tables over. I bet he d appreciate the vagina. This beer is
delicious.
Wait, is that why Jim called Carter and was screaming about his dreams dying and how he
never gets what he wants? Carter could barely understand a word he was saying.
I take a big gulp of my drink and slam the cup down on top of the table.
HEY! VAGINA! I yell to the guy by himself at the other table.
[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]