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acting. Well, as long as we're being honest about things, and throwing away
both pretense and art, I'll play it your way, too. Do you know what I think
of you?"
"What?" he asked.
"I think this is the cheapest, dirtiest trick I've ever seen. Coming here
like this, doing everything you could to lead me into thinking you loved me,
when all the times you were just exploiting me. Worse than all the others!
You're the worst!"
He looked stricken. "I'd never exploit you!" he said.
"Marry me!" Arran laughed, mocking him. "Marry me, says you, and then what?
What if this poor little girl actually did marry you? What would you do?
Force me to stay in the flat forever? Keep away all my other friends, all my
other -- yes, even my lovers, you'd make me give them all up! Hundreds of men
love me, but you, Hamilton, you want to own me forever, exclusively! What a
coup that would be, wouldn't it? No one would ever get to look at my body
again," she said, moving her body in such a way that no one in the world could
possibly want to look anywhere else, "except you. And you say you don't want
to exploit me."
Hamilton came closer to her, tried to touch her, tried to plead with her, but
she only grew angry, cursed him. "Stay away from me!" she screamed.
"Arran, you can't mean it," Ham said, softly.
"I have never meant anything more thoroughly in my life," she said.
He looked in her eyes, looked deep. And finally he spoke again. "Either
you're so much an actress that the real Arran Handully is lost, or you really
do mean that. And either way, there's nothing for me to stay here for. And
Arran watched admiringly as Hamilton gathered up his clothing, and, not even
bothering to dress, he left, closing the door quietly behind him. A beautiful
exit, Arran thought. A lesser actor couldn't have resisted the temptation to
say one last line. But not Ham -- and now, if Arran played it right, this
grotesque scene could be, after all, a genuine climax to the loop.
And so she played the scene, at first muttering about what a terrible man Ham
was, and then progressing quickly to wondering whether he'd ever come back.
"I hope he does," she said, and soon was weeping, crying out that she couldn't
live without him. "Please come back, Ham!" she said pitifully. "I'm sorry I
refused you! I want to marry you."
But then she looked at the clock. Nearly noon. Thank Mother. "But it's
time," she said. "Time to go to the Sleeproom. The Sleeproom!" New hope came
into her voice. "That's it! I'll go to the Sleeproom! I'll let the years pass
by, and when I wake, there he'll be, waiting for me!" She rhapsodized for a
few more minutes, then threw a robe around herself and ran lightly, eagerly
down the corridors to the Sleeproom.
In the tape-and-tap she chattered gaily to the attendant. "He'll be there
waiting for me," she said, smiling. "Everything will be all right. The
sleep helmet went on, and Arran kept talking. "You do think there's hope for
me, don't you?" she asked, and the woman whose soft hands were now removing
the helmet answered, "There's always hope, ma'am. Everybody has hope."
Arran smiled, then got up and walked briskly to the sleep table. She didn't
remember ever doing this before, though she knew she must have -- and then it
occurred to her that this time she could watch the actual loop, see what
really happened to her when the somec entered her veins.
But because she didn't remember any other administration of somec, she didn't
realize the difference when the attendant gently put a needle only a
millimeter under the surface of the palm of her hand. "It's so sharp," Arran
said, "but I'm glad it doesn't hurt. And instead of the hot pain of somec, a
gentle drowsiness filled her, and she was whispering Ham's name as she drifted
off to sleep. Whispering his name, but silently cursing him under her breath.
He may be a great actor, she told herself, but I ought to kick his head
through a garbage chute for giving me a rotten time like that. Oh well.
It'll sell seats in the theatres. Yawn. And then she slept.
The loop continued for a few more minutes, as the attendants went through a
mumbo-jumbo of nonsensical, meaningless activities. And finally they stepped
back as if they were through, Arran's nude body lying on the table. Pause for
the loop recorder to take the ending, and then:
A buzzer, and the door opened and Triuff came in, laughing in glee. "What a
loop," she said, as she unstrapped the recorder from Arran's leg.
When Triuff had gone, the attendants put the real needle in Arran's arm, and
the heat poured through her veins. Asleep though she had already been, Arran
cried out in agony, and the sweat drenched the table in only a few minutes.
It was ugly, painful, frightening. It just wouldn't do to have the masses see
what somec was really like. Let them think the sleep is gentle; let them
think the dreams are sweet.
***
When Arran woke, her first thought was to find out if the loop had worked.
She had certainly gone through enough effort -- now to see if Triuff's
predictions of retirement had been fulfilled.
They had been.
Triuff was waiting right outside the Sleeproom, and hugged Arran tightly.
"Arran, you wouldn't believe it!". she said, laughing uproariously. "Your
last three loops had already set records -- the highest-grossing loops of all
time. But this one! This one!"
"Well?" Arran demanded.
"More than three times the total of those three loops put together!"
Arran smiled. "Then I can retire?"
"Only if you want to," Triuff said. "I have several pretty good deals worked
out -- "
"Forget it," Arran said.
"They wouldn't take much work, only a few days each -- "
"I said forget it. From now on I never strap another recorder to my leg
again. I'll guest. But I won't record."
"Fine, fine," Triuff said. "I told them, but they made me promise to ask you
anyway."
"And probably paid you a pretty penny, too," Arran answered. Triuff shrugged
and smiled.
"You're the greatest ever," Triuff said. "No one has ever done so well as
you."
Arran shook her head. "Might be true," she said, "but I was really sweating
it. That was a rotten trick you pulled on me, having Ham break character like
that."
Triuff shook her head. "No, no, not at all, Arran. That must have been his
idea. I told him to threaten to kill you -- a real climax, you know. And
then he went in and did what he did. Well, no harm done. It's an exquisite
scene, and because he broke character -- and you, too, there at the end -- the
audience believed that it was real. Beautiful. Of course, everybody and his
duck is breaking character now, but it doesn't work anymore. Everyone knows
it's just another device. But the first time, with you and Ham -- " and
Triuff made an expansive gesture " -- it was magnificent."
Arran led the way down the corridor. "Well, I'm glad it worked. But I'm
still looking forward to a chance to rake Ham over the coals for it."
"Oh, Arran, I'm sorry," Triuff said.
Arran stopped and faced her manager. "For what?"
Triuff actually looked sad. "Arran, it's Hamilton. Not even a week after you
went under -- it was the saddest thing. Everybody talked about it for days."
"What? Did something happen to him?"
"He hung himself. Turned off the lights in his flat so none of the watchers
could see him, and hung himself from a light fixture with a bathrobe tie. He
died right away, no chance to revive him. It was terrible."
Arran was surprised to find a lump in her throat. A real one. "Ham's dead,"
she said softly. She remembered all the scenes they had played together, and
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