[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
looked away. "But I didn't walk away, either, the first
time he hit me, like I should have. Or even the first time
he kept on doing something I didn't like even if I said
no. I should have trusted myself."
CK pulled Andy back in the embrace. "It isn't always
that simple, especially not if he was good at what he
did."
"He was a fucking horrible Dom!" There was
bitterness in Andy's voice when he interrupted CK.
"I know. But he was probably an excellent
manipulator?"
Andy shrugged. Then he sighed and nodded.
Alphabet Soup - 104
"And you were inexperienced; you didn't know what
to expect."
"He kept telling me that -- that I just needed to get
tougher, become able to submit to him."
"You submit beautifully; he hasn't taken that away
from you. He hasn't taken anything from you that you
can't get back."
Andy was silent for a long time. Then he spoke, his
voice very quiet. "I thought he had. I thought I was
broken. I did try to have scenes afterward, but I kept
doing the same fucking thing." He was frowning.
"What do you mean?" CK pulled the blanket closer
around Andy, keeping him warm.
"I kept trying to have tougher scenes, to take more
pain. Bryce had told me that was what I was supposed to
do. Fuck! I didn't realize that until now." Andy slammed
a hand down on the couch. His eyes were angry when he
stared up at CK. "I've wasted the last year because of the
lies he told me."
"Well, now you know that they're lies. That'll make it
a lot easier to find out what you really need."
"What if I can't?" Andy hugged himself tighter.
"I think you already have."
Andy looked questioningly at him.
"You've found out what you need during the last
month. You've done so much hard work and pushed so
many boundaries; I'm so fucking proud of you. You
know what you need physically, you know what you
need mentally. The rest is just details: finding your
favorite tools, how you like your scenes."
"I'm not sure I know anything at all." There was less
despair in Andy's voice, though.
"Oh, you do, even if you're not aware of it yet." CK
unwrapped himself from Andy. "Let me get you
Alphabet Soup - 105
something to drink, okay? Your body needs fluids and
some sugar."
Andy nodded, leaning back on the couch. He seemed
a little better now, even if his eyes were still red.
CK went to the kitchen and made some tea; the hot
drink would be good for Andy. He grabbed a soda on his
way back to the living room, but stopped in the doorway
when he saw Andy.
He leaned against one side of the sofa, eyes closed
and legs stretched out. Andy's face was drawn even now
that he was resting, and CK felt a pang of guilt; it was
CK who had caused it, after all.
But it had been necessary, and he was going to take
care of Andy now. He hadn't been lying when he had
told Andy that the worst part was over. Now, they only
had to put together the pieces again.
***
Andy felt a hand on his shoulder and reluctantly
opened his eyes. CK was next to him, holding out a
soda.
"Here. You need something to drink."
Andy took it without protesting, but it wasn't until he
tasted the cold orange soda that he realized how thirsty
he was. He drank almost all of it before CK gently
pulled the can away.
"Easy, now. You can have more in a minute." CK put
the soda down and handed him a mug of tea instead. He
took a sip, the heat feeling good as it went down. He felt
a bit more clearheaded now.
"Okay?" CK didn't say anything else, and Andy just
nodded. He was empty, and tired, and a little sore, even
if he didn't know from what. He just felt fragile, not
really hurting.
Alphabet Soup - 106
"You should have a nap when you've finished your
tea. You're going to be exhausted for a day or two."
Andy sat up a bit more straight, trying to pull himself
together.
"I should probably be getting on my way home." CK
had invited him to stay the weekend, but Andy felt like
he ought to go.
CK just shook his head. "No. I'm going to take a
couple of days off work, and I want you to stay here at
least until Tuesday. You need time to get back together."
Andy felt the relief rushing through him. That meant
that he didn't have to get up right now. And maybe even
that CK would hold him again like before. He nodded.
"But I have to call my boss. I think my phone is in
my pants." He started to unwrap himself from the
blanket, his hands stiff and slow, but CK stopped him.
"No, stay here; I'll get it for you."
Andy didn't even protest. He really was tired.
CK came back with the phone and handed it to him.
"I'll be in the kitchen." Then he left, giving Andy some
privacy, and only returned when Andy had hung up.
"Jeff's coming over." Andy felt sheepish.
"Your boss? Here?" CK sounded surprised.
"Yeah. He was the one who picked me up after Bryce
had..." Andy shrugged. "He worries. I had to give him
your address when I told him that I would be going
home with you. And now he insisted on coming over."
CK still looked a little taken aback, but nodded. "It's
always a good idea to have some backup."
CK came over and sat down next to Andy again,
pulling him into a close embrace. Andy sighed, the
feeling of CK's body against his essential to him right
now.
"Is he going to try to talk you into going to work?"
Alphabet Soup - 107
"What? No! He really does worry. A bit too much,
probably. He goes to Slake, too."
"Yeah? I don't know anyone from the club yet; I get
distracted by a certain carpenter every time I go there."
CK's voice was gently teasing, and Andy let go of the
tension in his shoulders he hadn't even been aware of.
They sat like that, Andy soaking up the warmth and
security from the body next to him, until the doorbell
rang.
"Let me get that." CK carefully removed his arm and
went to answer the door.
Andy could hear raised voices from the hallway, and
he recognized one of them as Jeff's even before his boss
barged into the living room, CK following closely after
the man, a less than pleased expression on CK's face.
"Andy? Are you all right?" Jeff was looking around,
but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Andy. Then
he hurried toward the couch where Andy was sitting.
"Where are you hurt?" Without waiting for an
answer, Jeff removed the blanket and pulled up Andy's
shirt. Satisfied, he carefully leaned Andy forward and
lifted up the shirt again, inspecting Andy's back. Andy
met CK's eyes over Jeff's shoulder, feeling a little
foolish. CK was watching Jeff's every movement,
seemingly ready to interfere the moment something
went out of hand.
Andy put his hands on Jeff's shoulders and gently
pushed himself back. "I'm not hurt. Really. And don't
inspect my ass, too." He pulled his shirt down.
At least Jeff appeared to be embarrassed. "I would if
you weren't fucking sitting on it," he grumbled. CK
relaxed slightly behind him, eyebrows raised in an
unspoken question to Andy.
Alphabet Soup - 108
[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]