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Gleason in a New York City bus terminal.
Seeing it for the first time was surreal. Originally it was
located on Michigan Avenue near the Western Federal
Bank building a spot I used to walk past every day in
college. If someone had told me then that there was going
to be a statue of me in downtown Chicago, I would have
asked for a hit of whatever he was smoking.
Nevertheless, I ve always wondered why the statue is
three-quarter size. That would never have happened had
the show been set in New York.
"
I never really understood why The Bob Newhart Show
never won any Emmys. The show was nominated fifteen
times in various categories over eight years, and we didn t
win a single one.
In my mind, the strike against us was that our cast was
a true ensemble Suzanne, Bill Daily, Marcia Wallace,
Tom Poston, Peter Bonerz. These actors were so damn
good, and they made it look so easy, that they weren t rec-
I Shouldn t Even Be Doing This! 141
*
ognized. To this day, that frustrates me. If you have to hit
marks and speak other people s words, that s not merely
being yourself; it s acting.
We also didn t do shows on the heady material that
Emmy voters seem to prefer. Our idea of a serious issue
was when Emily and I were having a costume party at our
apartment and Jerry arrives wearing an Uncle Sam cos-
tume. Then Marsha comes in wearing an Uncle Sam cos-
tume. Finally, Howard enters in the same Uncle Sam
costume.
That s weird, Jerry says. We all rented the same
costume.
Howard replies, What do you mean rented ?
That should ve been worthy of at least a best teleplay
Emmy right there.
"
After five seasons, The Bob Newhart Show was still at the
top of its game, which is exactly where I wanted to end it.
The problem was that CBS had me under contract for an-
other year. I decided to personally ask Bob Daly and
Robert Wussler, who were coheads of CBS entertainment,
to let me out of my contract.
I met with Daly and Wussler in a bungalow at the Bev-
erly Hills Hotel. Daly told me that they really wanted me
to come back for a sixth season. I didn t have much chance
to plead my case because ringing phones constantly inter-
rupted the meeting with an even bigger crisis.
That afternoon, in a heavily promoted CBS special pre-
sentation, Evel Knievel was scheduled to jump over several
motorhomes on his bike. Telly Savalas was hosting the
142 Bob Newhart
*
event. Unfortunately, Evel had taken a nasty spill during a
practice run so there wasn t going to be any death-defying
jump. Daly instructed New York to have Telly keep talk-
ing until they figured out what to do.
A few days later, my attorney clarified CBS s position.
Bob, if you don t do a sixth year and they put another
show in your time slot that doesn t do as well, they would
have a right to sue you for the difference between what
your show would ve generated in revenue and what the re-
placement show generates, he explained.
Downside, how much are we talking about here? I
asked.
About fifty or sixty million dollars . . .
So I returned for the sixth season.
> > > > > > >
CHAPTER NINE
The Lubitsch Touch:
My Days on the Big Screen
In September of 1960 my agents at MCA arranged a meet-
ing with filmmaker Bob Pirosh about his World War II
movie titled Hell Is for Heroes. Naturally, I assumed it was
because the director had done his homework and learned
about my military experience of serving as a personnel
specialist who could not be sent overseas and was, in retro-
spect, the final line of defense for the homeland.
In any event, at the time of the meeting with Pirosh,
my album The Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart was
No. 1 on the record album charts. Given Pirosh s varied
resume director of Valley of the Kings, an action movie
about the search for an ancient Egyptian tomb, and writer
of several episodes of the TV shows Bonanza and My
Three Sons there was really no way to know where all of
this was going. So it was under these circumstances that I
met with Pirosh in New York at the Hampshire House,
where I was staying.
Pirosh outlined his screenplay for Hell Is for Heroes. I
144 Bob Newhart
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suppose you would call it a lighthearted look at World War
II, or at least that s how it started out. Based on what I
think was an actual event, the story is about a division that
is pulled off the Siegfried Line in Montigny, France. All
that s left behind is a squad of men whose job it is to de-
ceive the Germans into believing that they are the great
Allied Task Force until reinforcements arrive.
They wanted me for the part of Pfc. James E. Driscoll, a
clerk-typist with no combat experience. Driscoll winds up
in this particular unit when he gets lost driving a ship-
ment of typewriters to headquarters. The undermanned
squad commandeers him and his jeep. Because Driscoll
can t handle a weapon and the Germans are monitoring
the Americans phone lines, he is ordered to ad lib phony
phone conversations to create the illusion that troop levels
are high and morale is strong. My role would be to write
one-sided telephone routines similar to those in my popu-
lar stand-up act and perform them in the movie.
In short, Pirosh believed that a war movie is hell with-
out some humor in it, and that was where I came in.
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